Ramblings
by MoonlightMystery13.3
Summary: Previously Candles for the King, now my catch-all for Merlin ficlets, drabbles, and one-shots. No slash in this anywhere, just the bro and friendship I love so much. Latest: Uther's acting odd even for him, and Arthur's seriously sick of the dungeons (humor! :D)
1. Candles for the King

Candles: Every house in Camelot had a supply of candles. It didn't matter how much money you had, everyone bought candles. They were just as much necessities as the food the people ate, and the drink that refreshed people of Camelot loved their rulers, and were loyal to a fault. These candles were their way of showing their support for the royal family. If something important happened, be it an illness or a birth, there would be a small sea of flames in the courtyard all night long. These people, who worked all day long, were completely willing to sacrifice their precious sleep in order to show their love and respect for their leaders. Even as Arthur is irritated at them for supposedly giving up on his father, he knows it's not true. His people are just showing their love in the best way they know, and Arthur draws strength from the knowledge that his people are there for him.


	2. Global Warming

A/N: We were learning about global warming in school awhile back, and this popped into my head. Not really to be taken seriously, but I hope y'all enjoy it, and I manage to make most of you laugh. :D **This drabble is set present day, just so you know, and assumes that everyone came back, not just Arthur.**

Episode: None

Characters: The Knights, plus Merlin and Arthur.

Genre: Humor

Warnings: Extreme silliness.

Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own Merlin, or The Day After Tomorrow, which is an actual movie. The ice dragons might be mine, though. *perks up hopefully*

 **Be the reason someone smiles today! :)**

* * *

The Knights of the Round Table were sprawled in Merlin's livingroom, watching _The Day After Tomorrow_.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, eyes glued to the screen.

"Mm?"

"You've been here a long time," Arthur began. _Too long_ , his conscience chided. "Any thoughts on global warming?"

Merlin snorted derisively. "What do you expect when people kill off all the ice dragons?"

"Seriously?" Leon asked, surprised. "Nothing to do with increasing greenhouse gas levels?"

"Nope," Merlin answered gravely. Leon shook his head and turned back to the movie, missing the mischievous glint in Merlin's eyes, and Arthur silently shaking with laughter.

Ice dragons indeed.


	3. Mistake

A/N: Hello, all! This snip was buried deep in my files. I honestly don't know what it means, or what the circumstances are. Sorry.

...I went to thank reviewers, but there weren't any to thank. :( That means that you, yes YOU, could be the first to tell me what you think of this story! Isn't that exciting? Doesn't it make you just want to throw words in that review box? I know it does!

XD Seriously, though, guys, silliness aside, I would love to know what you think. :)

 **Be the reason someone smiles today! :D**

* * *

Arthur bowed his head in defeat. His army, all of his brave men had been overcome without so much as a single blow. There was no blood on the fields, from either side. And Arthur supposed that, at least, was something to be grateful for. At the head of the invasion was a girl, not older than 14 winters, cool as ice. She had beat them, his instincts told him, but he couldn't remember how. So he asked. "Tell me, how was it that you conquered this land? How is it that we have braved every threat only to be dismantled by you, a mere child?"  
She tilted her head to one side, thoughtfully, impassive. "Do you truly want to know, Arthur Pendragon? Then look to your right hand."  
Arthur did so, wondering what he was looking for, until it stuck him that Merlin was not in his usual place. Merlin! Where was he?  
The girl nodded simply. "I see you understand. That, Pendragon, is why I defeated you. Do not make the same mistake twice."  
Arthur woke in his bed with a gasp, frantically searching for Merlin. The girl's words rang in his head, " _Do not make the same mistake twice._ "  
Then he remembered that Merlin was gone.  
Then he realized what the dream had meant.  
Then he answered those parting words. "I'm afraid I already have."


	4. Yes, Dear

A/N: This isn't set at any specific time, just one of those times something has gone terribly wrong. Probably something involving a sacrifice to solve. Arthur thinks he should ride out on his own. Everyone else agrees wholeheartedly and prepares to ride off with him. That's just the sort of thing that screams a nice patronizing pat on the head, and a "Yes, dear".

As you can tell, this is definitely crack, and not really meant to be taken seriously. :) I like reviews, though, if you have a moment.

 **Be the reason someone smiles today! :D**

* * *

"I'm going alone," Arthur said gravely. "It's too dangerous to risk anyone else."

"Great!" Gwaine said enthusiastically. "We're all coming with you. Glad that's settled." He threw his rowdy curls behind him, and strode out the door, leaving Arthur staring after him in disbelief. The king looked to the rest of his knights.

Elyan shrugged. "Really can't argue with that, I suppose."

Percival nodded in agreement, along with Lancelot. "See you in the morning, Sire," the latter said, with a respectful bow. All three followed Gwaine.

Arthur turned to Leon, almost pleadingly. "Leon? You understand, don't you? It makes _sense_ for me to go alone."

"Of course it does, Sire," Leon said, soothingly. "Sleep well. We'll all have a long ride tomorrow, after all."

Leon also made his way out the door, cape swirling dramatically behind him.

Arthur stared after his knights, open-mouthed, and a very smug manservant sidled up to him. Merlin had been stoking the fire, and shaking with silent laughter.

"Don't look at me," he said, with a wide grin, as Arthur did just that, perhaps hoping Merlin could make sense of what had just happened. "They just saved me the trouble of speaking with you later. It's not my fault they've figured out what I've known for ages, and you have yet to find out."

"Oh?" Arthur questioned, with only part of his usually acidity as he spun to face Merlin. "And that would be?"

"Nothing makes sense here in Camelot, and the logical answer is never the right one." Merlin patted his flummoxed friend on the shoulder, and moved away.

"Ah..." Arthur said, very faintly. "I see."


	5. A (Pissed off) Girl's Petticoat

A/N: Hello, all. Some more (hopefully hilarious) crack for you. :)

This is set in an AU Golden Age, so if Arthur hadn't died, and Merlin ended up as his resident warlock. They went and pissed off a young Priestess (because I figured one of the things Merlin would be responsible for as Emrys would be reviving the Isle of the Blessed, and the next generation of magic users) with the whole girl's petticoat thing. Mostly, of course, just because that annoyed me. You have no idea how uncomfortable lady's undergarments were, Arthur, so no insulting them. *cackles*

THANKS to **smuffly** for reviewing last chapter! I'm so glad someone is enjoying this, and I'll keep updating as the muse allows. :D

I like reviews, guys, even just for this little nonsense. :) **Have an awesome day!**

* * *

"What. Is. This."

This disbelieving query came from an astounded King Arthur, staring in disbelief down his front. Merlin sighed, behind him, but it was the young girl outside their cell regarding Arthur with an air of satisfaction, that answered.

"Well, I'm a girl, and that's a petticoat. It belongs to me." She smirked, as both Arthur and Merlin groaned. "I see you understand my train of logic. I noticed you seemed to think the term " girl" was an insult, and for some reason, you brought irritation undergarments into it. It seemed you needed education on both those subjects. Enjoy, my king," she said, with a mocking deep curtsy, and pranced smugly away.

Arthur cursed her for several moments, and then set about trying to pull the wretched thing off of him. The nerve of that young-

"Arthur?" His Court Warlock's tone was that of forced calm. It was a tone that boded no good if attention was not gained, and Arthur instantly stilled.

"Yes?" He asked hesitantly.

"Next time," Merlin suggested in the same tone. "Don't insult a Priestess of the Old Religion in training in the place she has almost unlimited power?"

It sounded like a suggestion. It was clearly anything but.

Arthur sighed. "But I didn't even insult her! I just insulted you in her hearing!"

"Well, she decided to prove that "girl" wasn't an insult by shutting us up in here, and that you should leave he undergarments out of it by wearing them yourself, so clearly wires got crossed somewhere!"

Merlin had begun at a reasonable volume, but was practically shouting when he finished. Arthur struggled a bit more, and then stopped and sighed.

"We'll be stuck here all day, won't we?"

Merlin didn't even bother to take his eyes off the window. "Oh, yeah, definitely."

Arthur sighed again. "Wonderful."


	6. Garments

A/N: Hey, people. Here's an actually serious one. :)

THANKS to the amazing **smuffly** for reviewing this! :D Hopefully you enjoy this.

This snip isn't for any particular episode, just general musings and character exploration.

 **Be the reason someone smiles today! :)**

* * *

Arthur wears a cloak.

It's big, and flashy, an unmistakable symbol of Camelot's elite. It makes him conspicuous wherever he goes, and trips him when he isn't paying attention. It's satisfying the throw across the room after a row with his father, and is a comforting blanket when far from home. It is the perfect balance between propriety and practicality.

...

Merlin wears a neckerchief.

It's small, but eye-catching in a crowd, if you're looking for it. It's attracted plenty of (good natured) ridicule from Arthur and the knights, but Merlin is attached to it. It's not a common garment, after all, and surprisingly useful in the castle and out. He can bind wounds with it just as easily as insulating his hand against a hot poker. It's the perfect balance between fashion and functionality.

...

The garments are perfected suited to each man, each being almost of extension of their self. They are, too, incredibly similar despite dramatic differences. And yes, Arthur and Merlin will always tease each other about them, but that is their way, and it does not diminish Merlin's reverence towards Arthur's cloak, nor Arthur's quiet respect for Merlin's neckerchief. The garments are much like the men themselves, seemingly simple, seemingly different, but full of hidden layers and common purpose.


	7. Fed Up

A/N: Hey! Long time, no see, huh? :)

I've actually been toying with this idea for a long time. The other day, I managed to finally sit down and write it out. Hope you enjoy this ridiculousness! :D

Episode: None

Rating: K

Warnings: Crack, lack of real plot

Inspiration: Sometimes, Uther's paranoia reaches unparalleled heights. Just wondered how far it would go... and my sarcasm took over from there.

 **Be the reason someone smiles today! :D** And if you have a sec, I'd love to hear what you thought of this silliness. :)

* * *

The first time Uther had confined his son to a dungeon on suspicion of being enchanted, it had made a certain amount of sense. Even Arthur would admit it, despite the concern being entirely unnecessary. He'd been a bit ill, but _honestly_ , it hadn't been like he was dying. Still, he'd been acting oddly enough that someone had mentioned it to his father. Arthur was in the dungeons for just over a day, before being cleared by Gaius and scolded for not telling the physician he'd been feeling ill.

The second time, Arthur was significantly less understanding. He'd only helped an old woman, who was later accused of sorcery. Nothing was ever proven, and not even Uther was willing to put her to death on such flimsy evidence. And yet Arthur still ended up in a dungeon, just in case he'd been brainwashed. Somehow, Uther had gotten the idea that not was Arthur particularly susceptible to enchantment, everyone in the world with (real or imagined) magic was out to enchant him.

It got worse as time went on, until, one day...  
"Arthur!" The king's shocked exclamation only made the prince groan. He thought he knew where this was going.  
"Yes, Father?" Arthur asked, resigned. Why couldn't they ever just have one normal meal together? Without a crisis of one sort or another?  
"You've barely touched your carrots..." Uther's tone, and trailing, questioning last words implied Arthur should find something incredibly significant in this. He didn't.  
"I've never cared much for them, Father."  
"A-HA!" Uther bellowed. Arthur would have jumped, but it happened so frequently at this point, it would be useless. And this was just once too often. Arthur pushed back his chair, and stood with a sigh.  
"I'll just see myself down to the dungeons, shall I?" He asked, almost tiredly. "I've probably been cursed by some terrible witch to hate root vegetables, and any moment, the curse will expand to control my mind, I'm sure."  
And he walked out, without another word.

(It later turned out that there had, in fact, been an enchantment, but not on Arthur. Instead, a paranoia spell had been placed on Uther, in an attempt to drive a wedge between him and his heir. Merlin, oddly enough, had been the one to uncover this, but Arthur was certain that had been just a fluke.)


End file.
